Top 7 Things that will be heard today during Superbowl

#7. Oh my god! That guy is SO BIG!

#6. Why do they keep running into that pile of players? Can't they just go around?

#5. I don't understand this game either. I'm just here for the socializing and food.  Is Joe Montana playing today?

#4. I heard that today is the day where the highest number of spousal abuse cases is reported.

#3. Hi Everybody! Oh, this seven-layer dip is amazing! Did you make it yourself or buy it? So who's playing today?

#2. I don't care what game is on! You can watch another game next week! I need you to put up those shelves now!

#1. OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE FIRST FOOTBALL GAME I'VE WATCHED AND I JUST WON $500 IN THE OFFICE POOL!! WOO HOO!

Poor Choice of a Word

Heard on news yesterday: "The gentleman went out and raped a woman within 24 hours of an early prison release."