The Tortilla Chip Conspiracy

I don't make it a habit of the little things in life torturing me, but this penetrated me to my inner core. Have any of you ever opened a bag of tortilla chips only to find that most of the chips have broken into crumbs that are so small, you might as well scoop up the salsa with your bare hand? In the recent past, the bigger pieces were the majority of the bag. The small pieces would fall to the bottom as the bigger pieces stayed on top, the same way the unpopped kernals of corn are at the bottom of a bowl of popcorn. The good pieces used to be easy to get to. But things have changed my friends. There is pure evil that looms behind the veil of innocence!

What the hell am I talking about? Here's the scenario: I make a killer batch of fresh salsa and open up a bag of blue corn tortilla chips. You know...the ones that are supposed to be triangular in shape. The first 10 or 15 chips were magnificent! Each of them was the "perfect chip." It was at chip #16 that I realized, I was deceived! So I opened up a bag of white corn tortilla chips and found the same thing!! Is this a frigin' conspiracy? The rest of each bag was...well...here, let me show you:


How am I supposed to dip these little crumbs into my salsa and get enough of the salsa on there to nourish my aging body? There is no way to get a healthy portion of my pico de gallo on these meager things!


Is this a plot from the evil chip corporations to try and force me to buy more tortilla chips? Are they in cahoots with the hot dog and hot dog bun companies? They fill the bags of chips up with nitrogen supposedly to keep the chips fresh and give them a longer shelf life (I watch a lot of Food Network and Discovery Channel). This should also protect them, right? I don't know what's going on in the back rooms of these companies, but I have a feeling they've secretly hired someone like Jonas, the 560 lb. Lithuanian to go into the "research and development" room and start jumping on 3/4 of the chips as the President of the company laughs like Dr. Evil while he sees his sinister vision coming to fruition right before his very eyes. Look at these pathetic little pieces:


But I did not despair. There's a solution to every obstacle, right? So I pour the rest of my stinkin', measly, miserable, puny, pitiful midget chips right into my bowl of salsa, get out a spoon, and have a salsa fresca "cereal" while watching the undefeated Indianapolis Colts come from 17 points behind to beat the St. Louis Rams by 17 points (45-28)! Life is good.